let our crooked hands be holy

I hate

2009-12-02T07:05:46Z

cowards. Someone left this in my truth box.

"what do i really think about you? i think that you're beautiful, and that you are something very special. you're almost perfect to be honest. you just make stupid fucking decisions."

No clue who it is, I thought it was Addison but it's not since I thought he was the only person to judge me based on "stupid fucking decisions." Maybe it is that goddamn fat slunt Lauren.

I can dish it out but I can't take it

2009-11-13T04:01:23Z

What have I become lately? Why do I dislike so many people.

fuck off and die

2009-09-24T03:36:54Z

I am in a extremely bitter mood. I dyed some of my hair blue tonight. I don't know what else..I hate everything right now.

i hate the leave this place
cause i hate the human race
i need to hide away
& stalk the night until the day
rich men just bleed the poor
& i can't take no more
so when the world is done
you will be the only one

not never for nothin
it hits you in the head
& on & on they crawl
the minutes of our lives
we live & then we're dead

world terror invades my sleep
til i can't fuck or eat
where have all the values gone
that's another part for another song
while you sit idly by
you have no alibi
cause when the day is through
it's all your fault and my fault too

not never for nothin
it hits you in the head
& on & on they crawl
the minutes of our lives
we live & then we're dead

board rooms will play bored games
until your town's in flalmes
& if you get away
they'll hunt you down another day
so duck & cover good
when they attack your hood
we need to shoot 'em back
or we will feel the thundercrack

until we're dead
that's what the soldiers said
until we're dead
that's what the police said

not never for nothin
it hits you in the head
& on & on they crawl
the minutes of our lives
we live & then we're dead

fault lines crack through the sand
to swallow up the land
on this one truth i stand
on this one hope i plan
so when you crash your cars
you'll float up to the stars
you fuckin hipster fool
we will be star fucking you

until we're dead
that's what the soldiers said
until we're dead
that's what the police
said
until we're dead

$$

2009-09-05T03:12:56Z

So I just did what I would have done if I were thirteen with a fuckin bank account and money from the government. Jesus chris, retail therapy anyone? I just hope I can make these shirts into beauties, I am tryin to look like a total hottie.

fashioncoat @ 2009-08-26T20:36:00

2009-08-27T00:37:14Z

Addison really left me this time. With someone new.

I wish I could put it into words how much this hurts but I am tired of being sad over him. He did me more bad than good and for the past year and a half I deserved more than he ever offered me. I fucking stayed here for a damn boy. A damn boy who just lied and betrayed me and I kept telling myself I was strong. It's too late.

Fucking hate everything and I can't fix myself.

one of my top five worst nights ever perhaps..?

2009-08-14T04:35:04Z

I think the worst thing ever has just happened. And nostalgia can just break your fucking heart..

I don't think I have ever seen you cry before really, and I don't know why I need to close up like this. I don't mean to, but when I start to cry I just hate it, I hate that person, I wasn't brought up to cry. I cannot believe I took back the books I lent you to read, the clothes, sneakers, laundry I left over. On the ride home, for the second time we did not kiss goodnight, it was the worst silence in the car, the most awkward conversation. My fingers are nearly bleeding as we speak, my nails are barely there, sore, quiet, throbbing. My insides feel violent, my loving parts sigh silently at this little war. My eyes are bloodshot and I can't even go into the convient store for cigarettes, the tears have soaked the sleeves of the hoodie from your dryer. I don't wanna lie to you about silly things, we were so precious but I don't even know I'll even know you next month. I would have followed you around this country if you let me, I am such a pet. I stayed here in this godforsaken town for a better life with someone who was connected to my soul. But I gotta lose you forever now if you say you can't ever be with me like we're supposed to, I just have to. With one tear falling down from the side of your cheek, a glistened trail falls behind your ear, makes a little deposit on the pillow you lay on, my brittle body with the sad shakes weeping like a little injured animal I ask why it took this long for you to shed a damn tear, you say you're thinking about the last thing I said. "It now will feel like the past year and a half was a complete waste, this summer, everything. Every spec of monumental memory..useless." You tell me it hurt like I wouldn't understand, you're saying you thought of the first time you met me and I cry harder, wheezy heaps falling out in short breaths. Because I remember too, I remember everyday. And it's like a movie, our lives flash across the screen of our memories together. I was a feisty thing in knee high boots, dark jeans, a little green jacket and you had on that denim jacket and dark, short hair and a lip ring and you had to sit in the back alone with me and no one introduced us. I remember chainsmoking, sixteen, I remember the nervous wreck I was, how you finally spoke to me.

I am not going on.

fashioncoat @ 2009-08-06T14:43:00

2009-08-06T18:46:52Z

So raw, ahhh. I had a good night. Such a good night. I got a free soul, I am all that matters with you.

fashioncoat @ 2009-08-02T22:46:00

2009-08-03T02:53:55Z

Fighting demons just isn't my forte. I am tired of trying to be a decent person just so it won't work out. I gave it time. Now I am going back to black and I won't be leaving that hole for a while.

It will be nice to feel sore, place my little fingers in the gashes and have your sympathy lick it all up. I want you to yell and fear for my life while I'm nodding off in the toilet bowl. Nobody said this was easy nor glamourous. I don't think anything I do is attractive and I intend to remain down in my shithole. I'll ignore my feelings and focus on the fact I am throwing it all up and away. I won't worry about feeling used, I'll just enjoy the moment and forget it. Keeping the emotion compacted inside my little head. You can keep using me and keep my head spinning while you're so complacently underneath my waves and hips. Let it all go. We're not gonna last forever. We've already damaged this. You've got my blood all over you. Boohoo, I am feeling sorry for myself. One day you'll realize what a creation I fucking am. And you'll be so damn sorry.

fashioncoat @ 2009-07-20T16:21:00

2009-07-20T20:24:44Z

I am probably gonna go see Rancid again this Thursday with Chris. Nick C. won tickets but I have to get my own but at least I got a ride to Myrtle Beach. Should be fun. Expensive though. I am glad it isn't at Hooligan's again. I got almost 1800 in the bank. I've been having weird days, I feel ugly. I went downtown with my parents yesterday and a homeless man was obnoxious because I could not avoid him when he asked if I had any money to spare, which I honestly didn't have a single penny with me. "Yeah right you don't got any money." Beggars can't be choosers.

fashioncoat @ 2009-07-16T15:35:00

2009-07-16T19:38:11Z

I had a dream the other night in a drunk slumber. I think I played in a band and at the end of my dream Mick Jones was standing against a wall and it was like he was an angel. He looked like he does now, but he was wearing an old school Clash-esque outfit with white pants and shirt and a pink hankerchief round his neck. I went up to him nervous as hell and stuttered like I do and said "Mick Jones? Is it really you?! Oh man, it is such...a pleasure to be in your presence, nice to meet you." He just smiled and shook my hand. Then I heard a voice and it was my mother's and she woke me up. Damnit.

Tomorrow night is Anti-Nowhere League with Duane Peters Gunfight. Chris is gettin my ticket right now. Hopefully it all works out.

let's just say I've been a fan for nearly fourteen years. And I wish I wasn't in her shoes right now

2009-07-07T15:54:22Z

I know who I am, but who are you?
You're not looking like you used to
You're on the other side of the mirror
So nothing's looking quite as clear
Thank you for turning on the lights
Thank you, now you're the parasite
I didn't think you had it in you
And now you're looking like I used to!

You came in with the breeze
On Sunday morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning
And you want me badly
'Cause you cannot have me
I thought I knew you (whoa)
But I've got a new view (whoa)
I thought I knew you so well... oh well

haven't we met before? under brighter skies aaahh

2009-04-27T18:40:42Z

I am staying in the clouds for now.

I'm miss world

2009-04-13T03:42:46Z

somebody kill me

a sporadic thought;

2009-03-16T04:06:25Z

The last few minutes of The Dead Flag Blues by Godspeed You! Black Emperor is so beautiful. I had to tell someone.

fashioncoat @ 2009-02-19T17:12:00

2009-02-19T22:12:38Z

- Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
- List (and upload, if you feel like it) 5 songs that start with that letter.
- Post them to your journal with these instructions

Soooo since Ms. Susan suckerforvinyl assigned me the letter M

1. Maladjusted by Morrissey
2. M by The Cure
3. Mary- Christ by Sonic Youth
4. Mr. Clarinet - The Birthday Party
5. Most Likely You Go Your Way And I'll Go Mine - Bob Dylan

fashioncoat @ 2008-12-18T19:31:00

2008-12-19T00:32:35Z

fuck deadbeats, expectations, looking nice for someone who doesn't come around. fuck running out of cigarettes, the usual, fucking trying and having it almost.

i could rip you the fuck apart right now.

fashioncoat @ 2008-12-12T00:26:00

2008-12-12T05:27:08Z

i can't stop feeling weird, oh my god. i can't shake off this feeling. i want us back to normal. oh my god. i don't like this.

OMG

2008-11-30T04:40:49Z

T
HE LOVE OF MY LIFE, aside from Ryan Adams...BLAKE SCHWARZENBACH finally has a new band! I have been praying for the past five years of my life for this to happen. Oh man, I am way too stoked. WAYYY TOO STOKED, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? This is like something dead being ressurected. I cannot wait to scream on the phone to tell Addison. eeep.

oh yeah i am painting this old halloween flapper dress a vomit/pepto bismal pink, as the same with this tutu dress. Using acrlyics on cotton is hard.

the taste

2008-11-08T20:58:29Z

meet me in outerspace

fashioncoat @ 2008-10-22T19:32:00

2008-10-22T23:52:09Z

oh you. you are the most perfect individual to ever set their feet on this world. Everything is cruel and being awkward, anti social and introverted has been helped with your words. I have loved you for seven years. I have traveled much of this east coast to get to you, i have spent plenty of time with no social life trying to save my money to get to you. I've taken many somewhat dangerous trips and slept in strange places and done weird drugs just so we could make eye contact. I miss you. I miss you terribly, it's been a little over a year since I have seen you, smelt you and I don't ever want you to go away no matter what they say. i understand much of this world because of you. oscar wilde kept my mind expanding faster than the other children in the seventh grade. oh so many dreams went by in that little apartment room of mine, so many dreams when on in this southern house. the apple, yogurt, cigarettes and tea diet when i was in middle school gave me a slimmer body. every boy i date or have ever liked, emmulate you in some way, at least in my head. and eventually they all secretly admit to worshipping you. so much to say, so much to feel. much can change within fourteen hours. lovers could fight and make up in less than two hours time. life is absolutely amazing when you take it disassociated terms. i miss the road trips when i did not belong anywhere or to anyone and i did not have to know anyone, not even the hotel clerks or the cashiers at gas stations, and eye contact wasn't necessary nor was communication back then. i will think of you and think of how much you have done to make my life the way it is.

i do not care if this is completely pointless.

today is the day i decide i grow up and take responsibility for my lies. i want that leopard coat

2008-10-20T02:23:30Z

Scarred by the devil with pock mark on cheek. She sang like an angel with a voice that would never keep. And I mourn for her when her spirit rise. And I don't want to go home. Pretty and peculiar. She glowed when dawn turned dusk. The light gave off a buzz and the buzz it gave off sparks. I watched for crying but her eyes were dry. And I don't want to go home. The day before Christmas her dear daddy took flight. She didn't bat her lashes as he walked into the night. She screams for no one because no one is alone. And I don't want to go home. I weep without thinking. I quiver at a touch. I will never be her. I wasn't built that tough. She talks without speaking. I don't talk at all. Oh, when I'm this alone- I don't want to go home. History repeats and brings me to my knees. Over my shoulder she's older and older and I'm just a little girl.

fashioncoat @ 2008-09-15T19:01:00

2008-09-15T23:04:26Z

http://www.morrissey-solo.com/article.pl?sid=08/09/13/1545228&threshold=-1

ugh i love you so much thank you. without you, i'd have been dead for five years. or something.

holy shit

2008-08-18T04:49:47Z

Happy six months a day or so late. You know we were drunk when it happened. And only this sort of thing would happen to us and only this could be so perfect because of us. Shit's tough now, but that's alright. It'll be worth it. I am proud of you and knowing part of your recent accomplishments were because of me. All the rough times have made us tougher and more inseperable, who else would I have to help me with suntan lotion or holding my hands or sharing meals and everything else with? You are my favorite, no matter how big of an asshole each of us are. I'm ready for much more. Bro, it's been crazy. I love you. Too bad we're both too broke for a real anniversary dinner date. I'm glad I met you, who else would talk to me until five in the morning still drinking. Or who would let me come over to their house without trying to sleep with me, and to play Wii with and drunk a twelve pack and cook a vegetarian dinner. I fell in love with you before I even knew it. Without you I wouldn't have gotten free drugs or gone to the doctor or chopped my hair or stood of for myself or be more of myself than I ever was or take chances or anything I wanted. Thank you so much for making my life much more wonderful and for making this summer sooo kickass. I love you. ok now the world can read this two

fashioncoat @ 2008-05-30T00:19:00

2008-05-30T04:21:04Z

come home with me, cuase i hate missing you and i hate missing home. i haven't had both. It's like taking my coffee without my sugar

DO THIS PLEASE!

2008-05-21T11:42:46Z

Ask me a serious question about one to nine of the following:

1. Friends
2. Sex
3. Music
4. Drugs
5. Love
6. Livejournal
7. Porn
8. The Future
9. Bod Mods

No matter how rude, sexual or confidential . . .
I will answer honestly